[7:51pm]
Today was a good day, with a ‘meh’ ending. I had Bible Study in the morning with a mentor from church, and it was really encouraging. I was reading Matthew, and one verse that really had me pause was Matthew 12:34: ‘ ..For out the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.’ I questioned myself then about what’s in my heart. What came back was fear, doubt and insecurity, but also pride. I’ve been trying to be really intentional about how I relate to others and the words I speak lately, but with these things inhabiting my heart, how can I expect to do that well? Hm. This was my prayer point in the morning (and will continue to be for as long as is necessary).
Lab was also good; I remember I would worry so much about getting along with my mentor and other lab members, but I think it’s all working out. One thing I’m trying to be careful of (which I know I do sometimes) is morphing my character to suit my environment. I know, I’m ashamed to say it, but I do care about how people view me. But what’s even worse, I’ve realized, is that horrible feeling you get when you know you’ve compromised yourself and your values. The feeling you get when you look back and realize that it actually wasn’t worth it. I’m trying to remember this to keep myself in check, but I still slip up sometimes.
Anyway, just as I was finishing an experiment, I walked up to another machine, and one of my labmates alerted me that there’s a blood stain on the back of my lab coat. At first, we all thought it was from a spilled blood sample, but when I remembered that I’m actually on my period, I went PALE. To say I felt humiliated would be a gross understatement. Thank God it happened at the end of the experiment; I came home right after. Being a woman is . . . . a special task for sure.
-Moonie x.
Photo Context: The other day, I went to a nearby Starbucks to go and work. During my undergrad, it’s something I really liked doing, especially when I felt like I needed a change of scenery. But, this Starbucks ended up not working too well for me. I felt like it was too small and crowded, and a bit too loud for me. I still got quite a bit of work done though, so, it wasn’t a complete fail. Overall, 5/10 experience.