[11:43pm]

God, I am currently feeling quite frustrated. In my undergrad, I realized that getting enough sleep and prioritizing devotional time, working out, etc really helped me to show up as my best self. I was a much happier, kinder, patient and energetic person that way. I have tried my best to hold on to that routine, but I’ve gotten to a point now where I feel like it’s not feasible. Getting enough sleep means not getting enough done, period. It means falling behind, and it’s starting to feel (to me) as though I’m not working hard enough or not being sacrificial enough. I am ultimately worried about what that says about my future. Today, I told myself (out of frustration) that I’ll just do whatever I have to, even if it means losing sleep. I’ve had coffee on two days this past week and I’m thinking I might just keep going with this. But, I can’t even express how much I HATE this for myself. This is not who I want to be. Everytime I hear people bragging about how late they sleep, I cringe. That’s not what I want for myself. I don’t want to give in to this, but I don’t see any other way. How am I supposed to do everything that needs to be done? I’m really confused on whether maybe this is just the season I’m in and I should stop fighting it, or if I need to keep resisting. And if it’s the latter case, how am I supposed to do everything? Am I missing something, God? I don’t get it. I’m really praying for wisdom and discernment, Lord. What do you want me to do here?

-Moonie x.

Photo Context: During the summer of my junior year, I worked at a beverage company, and my final project was making a flavored oat milk beverage 🥛The final flavor was cinnamon apple, and it wasn’t half bad. I’ll be honest, initially, I was not necessarily enthusiastic about working there, because I kept looking around at my classmates and seeing them getting chemical engineering roles at much bigger companies. This job was not related to my major at all, but, they were the only company to respond and give me an interview after almost 8 months of searching. Looking back, that was one of the best experiences I had ever had! It’s a smaller company, so I got to shadow a lot of people in their roles, and the team I worked with was amazing! It really cemented for me how important a great work environment is. As long as I work with a great group of people, even if the work does not exactly match what I had in mind, chances are it’ll be a positive and meaningful experience.