[7:59pm]

Hm, today was one of the most unproductive days I’ve had. You know that incredibly uncomfortable feeling you get from knowing that you should have done more? Mannn I was angry, but I had no idea who to be mad at (probably myself). 

A good thing – I just came back from a dinner celebrating a lab mate who just got married and it was really cute. I had to leave the dinner early because I had a meeting scheduled at 7:30pm, only to get home and see that one individual wanted the meeting to be pushed to the next day. Then I went back to being upset.

I honestly have failed at being grateful, optimistic and patient today. I kept losing my temper (in my head) with my mentor because I felt like he was disorganized, but I failed to recognize that me being impatient doesn’t help the situation because he was stressed out as well. Also, I’m not the most organized person in the world either. Haish. Lord help me. I really need to have more grace for people. 

OOH, I also listened to a podcast today that was about growing up and loving people well; it was really good and I’m afraid I won’t do it justice. The speaker said most of the time we show up in love/relationships as our childhood selves who might have gone through some things that we haven’t worked through yet. I’ve realized for a while now that the way I treat myself is the way I tend to treat others. I lack grace for myself, so I have limited grace for others. I expect myself to make no mistakes, so that’s how I look at others as well. I put them on a pedestal, and when they make one mistake, my entire view of them changes, and is shattered. I realize that this is also tied to a big fear of mine that if people realize that I’m so imperfect, they’ll reject me. Phew, where to even begin ‘working’ on this stuff. . .

I really want to get better at loving people though. 

-Moonie x.

Photo Context: Nail Update! I have had a few nails break along the way, but we’re coming along really well 💅🏽