[4/24/24 8:28pm]

Hi,

It’s been a while, I don’t even know what to say to be honest. Life got in the way, and this blog got pushed way down on my priority list. I just didn’t have the motivation to keep going. And now, there’s quite a bit that has happened, and I don’t even know where to begin. I think today, I just want to remember why I started doing this. I started this so that I could have a place to unabashedly share my daily thoughts and musings, without any expectation that anyone is listening/would respond. But, somewhere along the way, I feel like I began to desire that – an audience. I then began to feel a little self-conscious, a little embarrassed here and there. I noticed how I would erase and rewrite certain things in my entries out of fear of how it would sound to someone else. Then I began to just feel silly and ridiculous – who would even read this? Which led to all of this feeling pointless.

Typically, I write my posts in a document, and edit them before transferring them over here. So, there is a lag between when I write and when it gets posted. Today, I’m writing this directly on the blog site in real time.

Now, I don’t know what this all means, whether I’m really back to doing this consistently, or no. Today I just felt a pull to post something. I had a really off day both physically and emotionally, but I keep being reminded of how much I’m so loved, and that life can be such a sweet experience, truly. I had Bible Study this morning which was hard to get through, making me all the more thankful for my mentor who constantly encourages me. I gave myself permission to come back home and rest when I wasn’t feeling well. I got up and did some work when I felt better, went on a walk, and had a call catching up with a close friend. His last words really stuck with me; he was like ‘Keep doing great things!’, and I said ‘I don’t think I’m doing anything great to be honest, but thanks!’. Then he said, ‘Oh you ARE definitely doing great things. You just need to zoom out and see how far you’ve come.’

I haven’t zoomed out in a while. I haven’t quite had the time. But, I think I need to.

Photo Context: The most beautiful tulips I’ve ever seen 💐 I got them as a gift from a dear friend on my birthday.