Hello again,

It appears today I am even more exhausted than the previous day. I slept quite late last night (after 12am), and woke up around 6am. I was in lab all day till 5:30pm. The thought of having to come back home and do other school work truly defeats me. I am currently taking courses as a full time student, while working in research. I have not yet mastered the art of doing research and staying focused on my classes; it is something I also failed dismally at during undergrad. Somebody has to do it though. I wonder sometimes, if my stamina for school has declined between undergrad and now. 

Anyway, I need to work on these two papers which my group and I are meant to present in journal club next week. Whereas I’ve never presented in a journal club, the same cannot be said for my group mates who are PhD students. A lot of my current anxiety related to this group work comes from feeling insecure and inadequate. I would really hate to disappoint my team, so I’m trying my best. An even bigger fear comes from wondering what if my best won’t be enough, then what? I’ve read over these papers multiple times and the story still isn’t coming together. Lord, help me. I need strength to get through the night.

I listened to Francis Chan this evening, and he said something that I’ve been contending with a lot these past few months. Who do I believe God to be? Do I believe all of His Word? Sometimes we conjure up an idea of God in our minds that does not line up with scripture; at least I know I have. I have a habit of ignoring certain characteristics or some parts of the Word that are not so palatable. It’s hard. Sometimes I don’t agree with some things, and with other things I think ‘Surely God would never xyz’.But, the Word does say that His ways are far above mine so. . . .

-Moonie x.

Photo Context: I featured a photo of cute little daisies I made the other time in the process of making a bag. I got into crocheting a few months ago, and I’ve been enjoying it. I haven’t had time lately to do it, but I hope to make time soon. There’s something about those loose ends that looks and feels poetic, I just can’t put my finger on it.