Today I looked at my to-do list and how I’ve been doing, and I felt a little disappointed; especially when I compared it to last quarter. It just looked like I was getting more done last quarter, and I remember still getting enough sleep then. This time around, even though I’ve dropped a class, it feels like I’m getting less done. I feel less efficient, yet more tired when I get home.
Anyway, these past few days as I was walking home, I kept thinking, ‘Man, it would be nice to have someone to talk to about my day.’ The desire to have a partner comes and goes in waves, but it’s been more prominent. I don’t really know what to make of it. Everyone keeps saying you need to be okay being alone before you try to find someone; sometimes I am, and sometimes I’m not. It’s always said that you have to know yourself and have your life in place, etc etc. I feel far from that, so, I do worry at times that I’ll probably never be ‘ready’. But also, I don’t want to want be in a relationship ‘too much’, because there are all these stories about it happening just when you had stopped caring about it. The rules are endless. My problem is always finding the balance; what’s too much, and what’s too little? I’m always on the extremes. It’s either I’m going to really want it, or I’m going to force myself to not want it at all, just for the sake of my sanity.

-Moonie x.

Photo Context: This is a photo from when I was in a relationship with an amazing person (and I messed it up, but that’s a story for another day). I normally don’t match photo to post, but I thought this would be pair well with what I was feeling. And you’re probably right that I should delete it (and others); I just haven’t gotten ’round to it 🫣