[8:04pm]

Okay friends, as the title says, please bear with me as I get back into the swing of things. My next couple of posts won’t be as polished (if they ever were), as I want to tamper down the perfectionist in me and try to get myself into the routine of regularly writing.

Anyway, today was an interesting day; regular, but interesting. I always have this hum of anxiety in the background, and one of the things I’m trying to practice is to let it be. At the beginning of the year, it would completely overwhelm me, and life would just come to a halt. I would be in tears all day, wondering when it would all end, trying to fight so hard against it. Lord, I was SO tired. I’m thankful that this is not the case these days; I try to get on with my tasks for the day despite it’s presence, and most days I’m more annoyed/frustrated by it than knocked down. I still yearn for the day when it’ll be . . . . gone ? That’s a whole other topic.

Anyway #2, last night I signed up for a volunteer shift at a local food organization that preps and serves food to the homeless, and I really enjoyed doing it. I’ll be returning weekly to continue volunteering. It felt good being around other people, not in the house all by myself, and to be doing something to serve others. It also really broke my heart, seeing people so thankful for something I didn’t realize I really took for granted. A situation happened at work yesterday that really stressed me out and had me spiraling and thinking about myself a little too much, so I was glad for the opportunity to take the attention off of me for a little bit. I also went for a run, which helped me calm down even more, along with listening to worship music. And I made a really nice meal – chicken alfredo 🙂

During the cooking, an incident happened that hurt me a little, and as usual, I debated whether or not it was reasonable for me to feel hurt (I’m pretty sensitive), if I should bring it up or let it go. Yet, letting it go was also hard because I still felt hurt. Letting go to me felt like having to deny what I felt, and having to immediately be OK, and I just couldn’t get myself to that place. I have decided to acknowledge that actually, yes, I was hurt by it. Even if it turns out that it was a small thing and I was being a little too sensitive (most likely the case), squashing down the hurt and telling myself to just get over it doesn’t really help out much. It turns me against me, and I don’t like that. It also doesn’t leave room to be curious about why that particular incident hurt me even though it seems small. I’m still learning, and I’m praying to God that He helps me to be kind and gracious to myself as I get curious, as I find out about wounds that need healing, and for His love to reach those places. I pray that His love reaches and heals those places in you as well.

-Moonie x.

Photo Context: I recently moved to the South Bay for work (I graduated three-ish months ago 🥳), and this was on my first outing downtown. I visited a bookstore and got this book, then went to a bakery to eat+read. I’m still trying to find my way in this new place with its new people, and some days can get really sad/lonely. I miss my friends, and the familiarity of where I used to live. This day though, was a good day 😊