[8:17pm]

Man, what a day. I did not get much sleep last night, and today’s meeting was nerve-wrecking to say the least. But by God’s grace, I’ve come out the other side. There’s something about getting through something stressful like that which produces a desire in me to want to work more, even though technically I could slow down. My mind tells me ‘Keep going, you’re on a roll!’, but another tinier voice says ‘Maybe slow down, you’ll get back to things tomorrow.’ The latter voice, I often trust less, mostly because one of my biggest fears is being complacent and not recognizing it.

Anyway, I ended up pushing an experiment I had planned to do today to tomorrow morning, and I didn’t do much except cook, eat, prep some food for a dinner I’m having with a friend tomorrow, and catch-up with some friends. I feel really bad about it, and I’m going to try to get at least something done tonight, no matter how small. 

You know, I try to think about how as a Christian I should approach things like these. I for sure don’t wanna be lazy, but I also want to know when to stop, because the work itself never does. I’m now reminded of the podcast I listened to recently about excess, and how it can also manifest itself in this way. I know that personally I struggle with putting my worth in my work, which leads to excessive behaviors in efforts to make myself feel and seem worthy. Lord, please help me.

P.S. Though it took me longer than it should have, I ended up letting my mentor know about my mistake (R.E. previous post). Also, I have decided to get baptized! I spoke with a friend about it, and really ended up recognizing that the thing that’s mostly stopping me now is fear. My friend asked me what would be different between getting baptized now and a few months later, and I didn’t have an answer. Something in me is telling me to trust God, and He’ll show up. All this time, I kept thinking ‘Wait I want to really understand God first and really get close to Him before I do it’, but, maybe this time around God’s waiting for me to take a step forward. I think this is what I’ll base my testimony on; it may not be the most impactful, but it’ll be true to where I’m at right now with my journey.

-Moonie x.

Photo Context: Anyway, this is my mug that is starting to work overtime these days since I’ve started drinking coffee. I was working on putting up a post in this shot, and guys, I cannot say enough how much I love working on this blog. I do it before I start anything else that feels daunting. Perhaps it’s a form of procrastination, I don’t know, but I love my little blog 🥹 Also, as the mug says, PRAY PRAY PRAY 🙏