[4:30pm]
I still have not gotten the courage to respond. *sigh* [R.E.: My last post.]
I have so much work to get through today, and I’m really trying to be conscious of anything I’m doing to procrastinate, and just trying to do a little bit at a time.
I listened to a podcast this week called ‘The Leader’s Cut’ by Preston Morrison and it was talking about Excess. The point that really cut me was when he said some of us turn to seeking excess when we are very stressed out or want to avoid something we know needs to be done, but we feel too overwhelmed to do it. He called it ‘punitive procrastination’. It’s not like you’re being lazy, no, but you turn to doing something else, and doing so much of it as though to compensate for what you know you’re supposed to be doing. And when you’re stressed, your guard is down, and it’s easy to over-justify and make excuses. You’re very vulnerable to making terrible decisions when you’re stressed and exhausted, and recognizing that is key, so that you can be more careful.
I honestly did not intend on writing much today, but hey, here we are.
Onto other news: I’ve been thinking the past couple of days about whether I ‘act my age’, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I am immature in many ways, especially emotionally. I tend to complain a lot, I overreact and freak out about any and everything, and overall struggle with regulating my emotions. I honestly didn’t want to admit this, and for a long time I came up with excuses for myself and justified my behavior, but today I think I settled on that truth. I’m a little stumped on where to go from here to be honest. A part of me that I’m also still debating whether or not needs work on is my talkative nature. I talk ALOT, and I love joking around. I fear that maybe even that can be considered childish, but I don’t know. Today I tried to be serious and joke less, but according to my mentor it sounded as though I was tired and/or mad. Sometimes when I try to be quiet, or joke less, I also feel a little sad on the inside, y’know? But honestly, I don’t see a lot of people my age be this animated or talk/joke so much, so I am a little worried. Hm, I’ll just keep praying about it.
Today, I’m grateful that I got to come home and take a nap 🙂 I think I’m going to go for a quick walk now as well, before tackling the remainder of today’s hefty tasks.
[10:39pm]
I’m working on results analysis and I just realized that I made a mistake in my experiment; I messed up some of the variables and they ended up just being repeats of other variables. I’m so mortified. Just yesterday, I messed up a gel, something I’ve done 2/3 times before. I feel so embarrassed because these are such silly, stupid mistakes, but I’m trying to gear myself to own up to it tomorrow. I know that from now on I really have to be meticulous about writing down and planning my experiments, and going over it 2 or 3 more times. Even when I think I know a protocol well, it won’t hurt to go over it again once or twice.
Lord, help me. I don’t know how I’m going to get through tomorrow’s meeting, but I trust you that I will. I pray to have a teachable spirit, and to remain humble.
-Moonie x.
Photo Context: Guys, I got a new set of weights and I’m SO excited!!! I had one during undergrad and I loved it! It meant there we no excuses at all. I pretty much do home workouts, nothing too intense, but I’ve been waiting to incorporate weights back into my routines. Let’s GOOOOO ! 💪🏽