[6:28]
Top of the morning! 🙂
I got some good sleep; I woke up by myself, even though I got 6.5hrs of sleep. I’m starting to be observant of how much sleep makes me feel rested, and within which time frame. One thing about me, if I sleep late, it doesn’t matter how long I sleep, I’m going to wake up tired.
Anyway, I went for a run today (after SO LONG!), and it felt good. I was listening to a sermon during the run, and it was talking about obedience. The one part that really caught me was about how obedience doesn’t require you to have full understanding before doing it, but it does require faith. Waiting for understanding before obeying may just leave you stuck. And that really hit me because one thing I’ve been struggling with in my faith journey is feeling like I lack true understanding and appreciation of the gospel. This nagging feeling that I don’t really get it. Like, if someone were to ask me why I believe, perhaps my case wouldn’t be strong, I feel ashamed for feeling this way, and I feel like I’m disappointing/offending God. I’ve been praying constantly for understanding, praying over my heart and spirit.
*Sorry, quick intermission. Guys, I literally just got back from my run 2 minutes ago and it has started pouring down HEAVILY. I was like ‘woah, God.’ You mean to tell me if I had run even 2 minutes slower I would have been caught in this rain? Yoh, my mood would have gone down the drain and I probably wouldn’t have sat down to write this.*
Anyway, I’ve been constantly praying about this, and I’ve actually noticed that I’ve put a lot of things on the back burner just because ‘I don’t understand yet’. I’m scared of sharing the gospel with anyone around me because ‘I don’t understand yet’. I’m scared of proclaiming something I don’t understand yet. Deep down in my soul, I know God is there, I just feel as though I don’t fully and truly understand Him yet. And sometimes, when I get really down, I think, do I even deserve to call myself a Christian if I don’t understand yet? How do I claim to have a relationship with someone I don’t quite understand yet?
But, for today, through this sermon, I feel encouraged to keep seeking, and encouraged to obey even when I don’t understand. I feel encouraged that this is all a part of the journey of knowing God and developing a relationship with Him. I am reminded that relationships take time, and effort. God did His part, and continues to do it faithfully. I need to do mine. And can you actually believe that even in doing my part, He wants to help me with that as well? Woah. Like, I don’t have to figure it all out on my own? Mindblowing stuff.
What a blessed morning 🙂 Stay blessed everyone!
-Moonie x.
Photo Context: A beautiful sunset somewhere in Santa Barbara. I visited some friends over there a couple years back, and we went to the beach almost every night.