[7:29pm]

I did IT!!!! I did my journal presentation today! It’s done! YAY! What a relief! You know that feeling when something has been weighing you down and stressing you out non-stop since the day you found out about it, and then, one day, it’s all over? Wheewww! Our group did fairly well; the Professor said we did good 🙂 

During the presentation though, I remember looking at the audience and seeing them on their phones and stuff, and I thought, is it better to have a disengaged audience, or an audience that’s REALLY paying attention? One option (the first) comes with less pressure, and the other option offers more engagement (which may be appreciated especially if you’ve been working hard to prepare). Although I’m not a big fan of intense pressure, with the amount of effort we put in, that first option seemed a little sad. Regardless, we all gave it our best shot. One of my teammates (the one I worked closely with) is really nice. He’s genuinely nice and gentle, and SO tall. That’s all I’m gonna say 🤭 

Other update: I ended up dropping a class for the quarter. It took me so long to make that decision because I felt like it made me a failure somehow, but with how much I’ve fallen behind, and with the option to take it again next quarter, I made that decision. With research, it all felt like too much to balance. I am always too tired from lab to do any class work at home, and so much is happening in lab that I barely have any bandwidth (personally) to give to classes. The feelings of failure (especially looking at people that have stuck with the class and seemingly have more loads than me) haven’t gone away; maybe they will eventually, or maybe not. All I know is, I’ll try my best to make good use of my time now and prepare better for the class next quarter.

And finally, today was one of those days where I had breakfast for dinner (pancakes, eggs, toast). So good! Also, while I was cooking, a group of these sweet girls came by and said they were missionaries. I told them I was already part of grad school ministry, and I had to rush the conversation because I had food on the stove. But I wish I had taken time to actually speak to them, because I can imagine how so many people probably didn’t even give them the time of day. What they’re doing takes insane courage, the kind of courage I wish I had even a fraction of. I wish I had told them that, and encouraged them somehow. But I was barely present in that interaction. There’s a lesson hidden in there somewhere, but I don’t quite have the words and the mental energy to articulate it. 

Be blessed, guys <3

-Moonie x.

Photo Context: My friend got me this pair of shoes for my 2*th birthday and they’re MY favorite shoes in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD. I try not to wear them a lot so that they don’t wear out quickly. Besides the fact that I had wanted these shoes for forever, I was so impressed with how he had gotten me a color I actually really liked. I wonder if I had told him before one time or something. Hmm.